Is It 5 Minutes Ago Yet?

Posted Monday, July 27, 2009

Re-posted with permission from Alyssa at The Mama Dramalogues. Originally posted 6/2/09.

Once upon a time, Alyssa was a wild haired 12 year really, it's happened...I swear...anyway, Alyssa the "tween" used to spend any available babysitting money plastering her walls with magazine pictures and posters of Duran Duran, much to her parent's dismay (seriously, who wants that much Scotch tape in one place?)...

What's the point of this trip down memory lane? Work with me point is, having done it myself, I'm pretty sure it's a cardinal law...maybe a forgotten Newtonian theory or lost 11th Commandment...that kids will find an obsession that will drive their parents nuts. Since SweetPea and Lil Buddy are both pretty young, there's no telling what fads they'll be tempted to buy into in the not so distant future...but I can say this...I am SO glad that fads come and go like wildfire, because there are a few out there right now that are bugging the hell out of me...and I can only hope are "so 5 minutes ago" long before my kids find them interesting...

The "Jonas Brothers" Shag Do: While we're at it...throw the stupid Jonas Brothers out with their annoying hair. Dude...the Hardy Boys and The Partridge Family want you to stop ripping off their look. Not that I have anything against long hair...hey, I used to have a huge crush on Mark Slaughter for God sake...but come on...he had GREAT hair. I can't tell you how many times I've seen some teenage boy running around with this do and wanted seriously to hold him down and buzz it off. Seriously...pick a side...grow it long or cut it short. The fact that kids pay someone to make it look like they still need a haircut drives me nutty.

Hannah Montana: Pllllleeeeeehhheeeeesssseee make it stop!!! If I have to see Miley Cirus one more time, I think I might have to claw my eyes out (so what do I do...I post a pic...go figure!). I'm anxiously waiting for her to turn 18...not for the same reason I'm sure half of the men in the universe might be, but so she can either do a Britney and spiral out of control and end up on the cover of Playboy, forever sending her Disney "I'm cute enough to be safe for your 5 year old daughter" card up in flames or just having the general "Lizzie McGuire/Sabrina the Teenage Witch" effect kick in where she's officially too old to be relevant to anyone under the age of 16. I have a dream...that someday within the next two years, I can walk into a WalMart or Target and not have to see shelves full of Hannah Montana merchandise staring back at me.

Bratz Dolls: Sadly...these things just don't seem to be going away. I'm sure at this point I have no social commentary to share that hasn't been beaten to death in the media, but, honestly, I DO NOT want my daughter playing with skanky dolls. Yeah, maybe I'm a be it. For all of the moms who I hear don't want their kids playing with Bratz either, someone has to be buying them, because there are whole aisles dedicated to them in toy stores and retail shops everywhere. Maybe someone will leak some nudie pics of THEM on the Internet and their careers will be over too.

At the end of the day, the kicker is...even when these things do disappear into the land of retro nostalgia...something all new and more annoying will surely take their place. My solution...I'm ripping off the movie Bubble Boy...I'm putting the kids in big plastic bubbles and letting them stay home all day watching Land of the Lost reruns.
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