I've Been Duped!

Posted Monday, August 03, 2009

Re-posted with permission from Marisa at The Mama Dramalogues.
Originally posted 6/3/09.

Crying, biting, being forced awake all night, temper-tantrums, messes that never ever go away no matter how much I clean them... this wasn't what I signed up for, and I'm feeling like I've been duped.

Let me explain. You see, I took that class in high school, the one where we learn just how hard it is to take care of a baby. For one hellish week, everyone in Senior year Psychology had a baby. That's right, a baby.

A 5-lb sack of flour that went with us everywhere, just like real babies.

They needed to be swaddled in blankets, they had to go from class to class with us, they had to come home and go with us to our jobs. They had to sit up at the dinner table with us, and be tucked into bed. Right next to us. It was hell.

Do you know how tough it is to go to the grocery store with a 5-lb sack of flour baby? Do you understand just how hard it is to walk the halls at school, toting a 5-lb sack of flour baby? I did. Oh yes, I lived through it for one entire week, and let me tell you, after living through that, I was prepared for anything.

Thank you high school, for preparing me for the real world.

... and then I had kids. Real kids.

I had crying, biting, awake-all-night, temper-tantrum throwing, messes-that-never-ever-go-away-no matter-how-much-I-clean-them making kinds of kids.

I want to know... Where is my sweet little 5-lb baby? Where is the tiny little thing, swaddled in a pink blanket who goes with me everywhere and sits happily in the shopping cart without making one little peep? Where is the silent little thing that allows me to sleep through the night, completely uninterrupted? Where?

And who the heck is this screaming little 8-lb thing who eats round the clock, doesn't give me a second of peace, refuses to sleep for even a second, and who needs her diaper changed every 45 seconds?

I think I've been duped.


Petit Design Co. said...


aGibson said...

Hilarious - did your 5lb sack of flour wake up every three hours at night to eat? or stick her toes on your keyboard/mouse when she's tired of you working on the computer? did your 5lb sack squirt flour paste out of its bum? lol...i'm gonna have to agree - we were both duped. but i wouldn't have it any other way.

katie said...

haha! this is hilarious! [my little girl also sticks her toes on my keyboard/mouse like aGibson. i'm happy it's not only me.]

i never had to do the 5lb flour sack baby thing in my psychology class. but we did have a real kid care class where you took care of babies and children of teachers and other students. i steered clear of that one too. like as far away as i could get. lol. but i love my baby so much. and i really wish i would've taken that real baby class...


Kandyce said...

This is too funny!! I didn't have a sack of flour, but an egg! How "real" is that? A baby you could fit in your pocket - though I don't recommend it. Isn't it crazy how hard that seemed. But I'm with aGibson, I wouldn't have it any other way.

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